Not Winning

Test first. Lesson after.

The famous Vietnamese monk Thich Nhat Hanh was once attending a retreat in Santa Barbara California where he was served a meal that included a small portion of chicken. After a few bites, he was confronted by a woman who was clearly in distress. When he asked her why she was so upset, the woman said she had been reading his books and listening to his talks about right action yet here he was, eating chicken! The monk responded in his usual quiet manner, "When I am lost in the mountains I look to the North Star to point the way, but it is not in the hope of arrival that I journey."

I've often thought how applicable that story is to the vast majority of endurance athletes. We all participate in a race that has only one first-place finisher for men and one for women. Why then compete in a race with 2500 people without the possibility of "winning?" Even if you consider every winner, in every division there are only around 25 "winners." Does that mean that every other person competing is the "loser?" Is there only a value in arriving at what we call winning?

If we all didn't stand at the water's edge without a better reason for starting than winning, the fields would be considerably smaller and the experience far less valuable.

Throughout my racing career, I've won a few races and with the possible exception of one memorable race, the races I won were far less instructive and fulfilling than most of the races I "lost." I can't describe the number of times I've returned home from a race I'd won with a sense of satisfaction that was the emotional equivalent of eating popcorn for dinner. Then there were times when I sat down after a battle well fought in a losing cause that took days to savor and fully digest.

John Lennon once wrote that life was peculiar in that it was always the test first, the lesson after. Winning was the proof of what I had learned from not winning. The process of building a better athlete and a better person comes from the lessons learned from not winning far more than from the times things go right.

Don’t get me wrong, winning is a very specific and fulfilling feeling but it wouldn’t be that way if it didn’t have such a heavy price tag in defeat. To work so hard and sacrifice so much ending in a poor result is the time when you find out why you’re here. If you came for the bragging rights, the glory or the t-shirt you might be able to weather the disappointment and move on. One and done. If you came to find something out about who you really are then you will have no choice other than to go back and start over.

When you get to that bridge and you choose to cross into the unknown again, then you’ve made a pact with the universe to open yourself up to be taught, to be a student of outcomes rather than the victim. Now you know that winning and not winning are just opposite sides of the magic coin that is competing.

I am writing about an experience I had with this notion that is taking a while to complete because the memory and the wounds opened up when I started writing. Stick with me here and hold me accountable for finishing the piece in the comments. I promise not to quit until I’m through. Please subscribe for free. It’s a lot easier to write when I know someone is reading.